The Top Ten Advantages of Bobby Valentine being the new Red Sox manager:
Bobby V...
- Is well rested (He hasn't coached in a few years)
- Is conversant in archane languages like Bahsdinese (from his time in Japan, Queens... and Texas)
- Has experience with futility (coached the Mets)
- Understands practical disinfection methods (Director of Public Safety & Health for the city of Stamford, Connecticut)
- Is familiar with unlucky breaks (suffered a multiple compound leg fracture)
- Knows 1st hand about knuckleheads (fired by George W. Bush)
- Won't need to wear a bag over his head (Was ejected for arguing a call and returned to the dugout an inning later in a disguise - a fake moustache. Unamused, MLB fined Valentine $5,000 and suspended him for three games.)
- His karma can run over Josh Beckett's dogma (was the subject of the ESPN Films documentary "The Zen of Bobby V.")
- Will deep six the buckett of cluck (He claims to have invented the Wrap sandwich)
But most fitting and importantly, he loves epic season ending collapses - and now they're in his genes: (Valentine is married to the daughter of former Brooklyn Dodgers pitcher Ralph Branca)
Good times.
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