Posted on: September 16, 2010 11:21 am
Umps rule Derek Jeter hit by pitch - on the intangibles
( ... Put's the Tang in intangibles, don't it? )
In yet another example of both Jeter magic and pr0n power, Chad Qualls hit Derek squarely on his intangibles last night. The plunk put the Yankee Captain in front of Granderson's 2 run homer, providing a brief lead over the deviless Rays . As the ball rebounded into fair territory for an easy play at first, Jeter shook off the metaphysical sting while casting the now famliar Jedi-like mind fix over the umps with a subtle wince. After a brief conference, the umps sent Jeter to first although they were the only ones in the stadium (or the national audience) overcome by the short-range spell.
Although the replay showed the ball hitting the bat knob, an unnamed player confirmed that the knob is, in fact, part of Jeter. "Kevin Long has always preached that we should become one with the bat... an extension of our body. No one embodies that better than Derek." Reached for comment, Minka Kelly confirmed the amazing shapeshifting phenomenon - "I was nervous at first, but now I'm used to it and enjoy the novelty. It comes in handy." Former teammate Chuck Knoblauch couldn't be reached for confirmation.
While the initial headhunting was jointly engineered by santa-blade, chjohn, blakfrancis and bobby-age-10 to inflict season-ending damage, Jeter brushed off the bruise thanks to his ever-present intangible aura. "Age and treachery will always overcome one track minds," he quipped. Undeterred (Unjetered?), the persistant posters refocused their dogma on Dan Johnson , who promptly hit his second 2 run homer to retake the lead and erase the intangible edge Jeter had provided. "I wasn't sure I should Dare Wreck the moment," Johnson admitted, "... in a tangible way." Rays manager Joe Maddon called Jeter's knob job a heady play: "If our guys did it, I would have applauded that, too. It's a great performance on his part." Kudos from the opposing dugout - priceless.